Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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