Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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