i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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