4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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