If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
