Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
