The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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