i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
