Don't you send me to vm
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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