Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
