I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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