please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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