I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
