It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
