i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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