STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
