I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
