getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
