just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
