Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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