you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How external is "for external use only"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
