maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
