I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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