oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
