who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
