just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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