I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
