He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
