we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
