I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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