dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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