Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
