i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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