We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
