billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
