he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
