I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
