This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
