If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
