I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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