I'm going to jail i love you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
