last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
