dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
