Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
