Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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