I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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