You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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