are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
