she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
