The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
