Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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