How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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