pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
