sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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