You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
