You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
tell me about the eggs
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