I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
