Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
