did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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