im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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